Was a song posted on a friend’s blog that I listened to earlier this morning. Made me larf & smile. “Hold on to sixteen as long as you can…” I was 16 when I first listened to that song in ‘82 & the changes do indeed come around real soon. But it all has been good. Well maybe not completely, but I guess I wouldn’t change a thing. It is a sappy little song I know, but it works for me. I liked it then because I was full bore into my namesake and even bought a red windbreaker which freaked me Da out when he saw me wearing it & the song is Indiana all the way.That’s one thing me Da left me that was a part of him & will always be with me until I’m in the mud. Named me James after his hero from the 1950s of his youth. And wasn’t Natalie Wood The Most? Until she fell off a boat. So it goes.
Anyway…Now I’m going to the market to get all the fixins’ for Melysah’s fine recipe which I’m cooking up later today. And y’all are welcome to come if you can make it by 6pm. There will be plenty of beer as well.
“Ay, guerca mocosa, porque necesitas ser tan dificil.”
My sister is spending the day with mom so today I can do absolutely nothing and relax for a bit. Body needs it. And enchiladas and beer! Heh.
At the hospital in Moncton with me mom. Her kidneys are now functioning at 48% which is not good, but better than it was. She’s going to be in there for some time yet, but is in good spirits. No one knows what the hell is going on, so there’s not much news I can tell you. More tests and machines hooked up to her. Wait and see time.
I know I freaked out on a few people, and I’m sorry about that.
My stress level went bonkers. I have just finally finished with all the crap my dad left behind…The Estate and all that shit…and then Bam! But whatcha gonna do eh? Roll with it. Indeed. So it goes.
I was out on the golf course this morning at 8am. Just the driving range. I whacked four buckets of balls. There was another guy out there and he said to me, “Geez man, you’re hitting those awfully hard.”
It’s true. I was slammin’ the feckin’ balls. My response to him was a grunt and “Yep.” I sliced a few really bad and “Fucking hell” slipped out as I smacked my club to the ground. Buddy didn’t say another word to me. That suited me just fine. I can’t stand strangers who want to be talkative and intrude on my thought space. That’s what I do when I’m out there…Think. And I don’t need some yob bothering me. I know he was just being polite and all but…There are times when people bug me to no end. This was one of them. Where is Kilgore Trout when one needs him? So it goes.
I’ve been reading Sherwood Anderson’s “Winesburg, Ohio” again for some reason…I read it years and years ago. It’s a good summer read, and I started to think about this guy…Anderson is the real meat. So is Buk and Hem. I get into a mood when a work like “Winesburg…” hits the spot. And Buk’s poems. I sit outside sipping a beer in the July sun & the breeze off the ocean hitting me & all is right with the world. Steak and eggs kinda guys.
There you have it.
*added later…Mr.Parker.That’s my summer music.
So I went to the grocery store tonight & stood in line while the cashier girl talked and talked as I got frustrated. There was a line up. “How long have you worked here?” I asked as my turn came up. I was pissed off.
“This isn’t high school” I said to her, “You have customers.”
I asked how old she was…Eighteen. She has been at the store for two months. I know it was bad but I said, “You suck at this.”
I can’t stand incompetent people at boring jobs. She got all quiet & clicked my shit through. I was in my shades and black bike helmet so I scared her…Especially after my, “Jesus, what is this country coming to?” towards a lady behind me. She backed off. I didn’t mean to be scary. I just like prompt service! Not idiots on parade. The woman behind me had way too much makeup on as well. Freaked me out.
I had to look at her twice.
Look, I say what I’m feeling at times. Y’all know that. I was standing in line scratching my groin and listening to this inane chatter. Now the eighteen year old gal was cute and all but no matter..I’m old and decrepit…Well not really. And yeah..I was scratching my groin.
Bike rash. If you be a guy you know about these things.
Our boys sweat down there and after…well. Julian is just becoming aware of his testicle problems. He crushed his nuts on a bike ride with me last week. Over a big bump and his boys were…crushed. It was funny for me. I was…”get used to it man.” I know my gal friends have no idea what I am yammering about. It fucking hurts! The two round things are quite sensitive.
“I Feel Fine” playing… I hope this post isn’t out of whack. I don’t really hope one way or another. Just my Life. I still have my Beatles fucking about. “Sorry if we hurt your field Mr.” And I have the utmost respect for my friend Christine another fellow Beatles fan. I was just thinking about how long it’s been. I was in Grade Six when I bought “Revolver.”
I bought the album on a school trip. Freaked out the teachers.
This kid buying “Revolver” with his school trip money. It was a whole Howard Johnson’s school trip to the motel etc..I just bought the Beatles at the mall we went to. My teachers back then were confused…I know now why… Garret Moleman was an ex-hippy. This was in 1978 and I was a Beatle fan at 12. And Sex Pistols coming up…And The Clash..
This is for my wonder woman friend again…I used to go Acid on it all but it doesn’t matter now.
Where’s my fucking Dad? I miss yelling at him about war in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s been seven years and our guys keep dying for now I know is fuck all. Afghans run away when the fighting heats up and leaves us and the Americans to look after their asses. Fuck ‘em. They want their country back-free from Taliban idiocy- let them die. Enough of a guy from Manitoba dying. There are two countries the people always want to come to….Canada and The United States.
I would come here ’cause we don’t start wars and only got sucked into this one because of 9/11. I would come here.
I don’t like the U.S. Sorry to my American friends. There’s a tension there. Maybe it’s because you can buy guns all over? There is a difference. Even between people. I know that our entire population is that of the state of Cally-forn-neah…As Gov. Arnold says it…
I mean Jesus! No wayz would we elect a movie star tool like that.
We’d fuck him up the ass (verbally of course) and send him on his bike.
I loved watching the Reagan days…He Played at being President while Ollie North did the shit. Jebus knows what the hell went on during the 80s. Shit we didn’t find out about. As for now? McCain and Obama.
Neither are fit for the reigns of the only power on Earth.
These are two men who..One is too old..The other has no clue and he aint no black JFK. Obama flips and skizzes his way out of shit that makes me think he’s a power hungry bastard. As are all who seek that office. Here’s a thought. If I could vote….In November…I would vote for McCain. I really would. I predict a close race in November. Closer than one might think. Obama pissed me off with Oprah. Ha!
Yes I hate that cow. Yeah, she’s a cow who ripples people and makes me want to vomit. “You can’t hate Oprah?” Fucking right I do.
Her and Martha Stewart should be put on poles and electrocuted.
“deliberate execution by electric shock, usually involving an electric chair; the word “electrocution” is a portmanteau for “electrical execution”
My mom is now in the hospital. And yeah, it’s serious. Her kidneys up and collapsed when she got home from Quebec and of course, she didn’t tell us the extent of the pain she was in. You have to know my mom…
She ignored it and thought it was indigestion. Jebus. Even before she left I told her to see the Doc. She didn’t. She said she did. Kellie is fucking furious at our mom. So am I. Just so fucking stupid! She has vasculitis and has to take about twenty pills each week.
That would have killed her. My dad used to make sure she was doing all things. He’s all and done now, so we assumed she’s not an idiot.
Kellie got nuts. Just after putting our father in the ground, our mom up and fucked up. She’s only 64 for jebus sake. It’s her own fault. That’s why we got angry. Didn’t take her fucking pills. What are we supposed to hold her hand or something?
I mean Jebus! Julian now thinks another person in his sphere is dying.
And it’s quite possible. His Papa off and left the planet and now Nana is close to it. And I’m not sure if Kellie and I can take this again. I mean come on God! Give us a fucking break. She better well come out of this.
I knew about this for the past few days but I ignored it as well.
Even on these posts. Claire and I were up to see my Mom this morning.
K. and Julian are going up this afternoon with my mom’s friend Maurise Levesque. Julian still doesn’t get it. Or maybe he does…
He wanted to stay with us today. I told him he had to see Nana.
He thinks it’s like Papa. He saw Papa the day before Papa died.
It’s not like that with mom.
Holy fuck what is God trying to do to us? I bet me Da is up or around here doing his best…Julian doesn’t need another person in his life up and dying. Nana and Papa were central. Papa going away hit him hard and now Nana…And he came to see me in the same hospital when I was gummed up…He thinks everyone is falling away probably.
I’m not. I’m fine and will be around until I pull a Hunter Thompson.
*Kidding…I love this flesh I am in and I’m here for the ride.*
I’m actually feeling better than I have in years after turning 42.
Physically. Ha! Shhh….
You know, the other day when I went out on me own, I felt like I was 25 again. Luckily, I had my wits about me, and knew that wasn’t the case. I know some of you will laugh, but I lifted weights over the winter. Ankle weights mostly. Just so I could bike like a fiend. Got my legs primed! It worked. Clairey thought me an idiot sitting on the couch having a beer and “Left” “Right” with weights on my ankles.
I got up after about five hours sleep- looked at the morning sun at 7:30am-put on my helmet and shades- grabbed my bike & cycled to Fort Beausejour to just look out on the Tantramar Marsh & reflect on things. (Yeah, I do that!) It was a perfect July day as is today. Really warm for early marnin’ me peoples. It’s about five miles out of town. I parked my ass on the grass down this dirt road just below the fort and looked out towards the Bay of Fundy & thought about what a fucking year it’s been so far. Thought about my 42 years on the Terra, cracked open a beer that I brought in my backpack…Yes it was morning but my birthday so what the hell right? I even smoked a cheap cigar I bought at Mel’s before leaving town. Like I said, it was sunny, warm, and all seemed right with the world in my twisted little way of making sense of things. I just sat there. It was perfect.
I thought about me Da while sipping the beer and talked to him just a little bit. I only wish he could have been around for one more summer.
At least to see a beautiful day like yesterday and today. Yeah, I was waxing poetic until I caught myself. Ha! Jebus! I shook that off soon enough. (”Fucking stop thinking like that,” I said to self.)
I think over the past few months I have finally found myself.
I was thinking about my birthday last year and a talk I had with my dad then…Private shit…He said some things that still are stuck in my craw. Good things.
Again, I’m not explaining myself properly.
Claire and I went out for supper last night to celebrate me getting older. That was all I needed. Neil wanted to do some shit at The Pub…So did Michelle. We went for a few beers but left. Claire and I just walked around. Kellie, Julian and me mom are having a Sunday supper/Bday for me tomorrow. It’s the Sunday supper which we haven’t had for a long time. I don’t really give a shit about celebrating. I like doing it for other folks but…I prefer to do what I did. Hunker down and take stock.
I did get a card from Julian that he made himself, and that was all I needed. He drew it himself. It was a bicycle and a football and me and him out on the campus field. ” Happy Birtday Uncle Kev I love you and thank you for playing soccer and football and biking with me” is what it said. And yeah, “Birtday”
That made my day. I love him soooo much…
That little bugger will never be alone as long as I’m on this planet.
I’ll take him in if he’s goofed out as a teenager. Uncle me will always be around. He’s going to be a bundle for Kellie when he’s a teenager.
Unless she gets married (Eh? Eh?) My sister knows, there’s bits of me in him. God help us all! There’s bits of our family and his father’s family.
But he has grown up with me around…Oh Oh!
Since ‘99 he’s been with us. I know his dad and I will beat him on sight. That is one thing I’m not kidding about. Julian’s father needs to get whacked upside the head. I did it once. I’m not a violent fella but if Ted ever comes around again…Jebus my fist upside his head.
Years ago now…K. was an idiot. My whole family was…It was my dad my mom my sister…I was in B.C and had I to get angry.
They let people walk all over them. I fucked Ted up real good.
They are/were/me dad/ good people..I was in politics.
Ted doesn’t come round here anymore.
It poured rain and there was thunder and lightning all weekend. We set up camp way the hell down near Cape Breton Island the first night and had a jolly old time with the rain. We’re bare essentials type of camping fools, so just a small four man tent, sleeping bags, a light and a Coleman stove. I prefer lighting a great huge fire in a pit for BBQ but that couldn’t be done.
Friday night was funny. We drove leisurely and rolled into the campground at around midnight. So we had to set up the tent in the dark and the rain. We had the car headlights on for a bit but were worried of disturbing other folks. Well, Claire was…Me? (What do you think?) I had the beer cracked open as soon as we were in our lot and sat at the picnic table while the rain came down in the gloom and I chuckled at Claire’s earnestness for getting things in order. It was a warm night though. You know those types of summer nights?
We were quite prepared with various liquids, so I got her to relax and sit with me in the rain sipping her Brandy in a black tin Coleman stove cup. Brandy? Yeah. Go figure. I finished off my beer, took a swig of my vodka, and set about putting up the tent in a mad dash.
” Get the fuck out of my way,” was all I said, and I had it up in no time.
Mind you, I was covered in dirt and pine needles but that’s camping right? All she did was watch me and throw wet bits of tree stuff from the picnic table top.
Once up, the tent was actually dry inside, so we chucked our gear in it and set up shop. Then we grabbed our bottles and walked barefoot across this open field with other campers scattered about, to the little washroom building. She came with me into the Men’s side and I washed all the needles and dirt off meself and we sat on the sink counter, just fecking soaked & sipping our bottles and larfing to beat all Jebus.
There was no one around except for one guy who came in to have a leak. He saw us sitting there and was taken aback a little after I nodded and said, “Mornin.” (It was! It was 1:45am) He looked at Claire & said, ” I have to use the toilet.” ( The guy might have been about 30 and looked very proper)
“Go ahead, she won’t look.” Then I winked at him. Clairey larfed and said she wouldn’t. The guy went to a stall and had trouble. Little tinkles into the bowl. We just kept sipping and talked about what were going to do.
The guy finished and left really fast without so much as a ” Good day to you Sir and Madam.” I must say, we felt a little insulted.
What’s wrong with people these days? Manners? It truly is a lost art.
We thought he would high tail it to the office at the front gate to report deviants & possible serial killers in the men’s washroom, so we scurried outside across the field, taking a different path, all the way back to our tent. You know, there is nothing like running barefoot through a campground in the rain at night. As kids we did it, but as adults it’s the best eh? The grass between yr toes…Never knowing if yr gonna step on a broken beer bottle and slice ” This Little Piggy” right off.
We made it back to the tent and hunkered down. We heard a car going slowly by-and it slowed at our lot- and Clairey got afeared it was campground police after us so she hid in our sleeping bag with her bottle of brandy. I went outside to the car (pretended to go to the car in a rain induced harrumph attitude with the flashlight) and watched the car go down the little lane. It wasn’t a car. It was the office truck. Ha!
Fascist $30 a night campground turds with hardly any campers on the site first weekend of summer little bastards!
I yelled that, ” Fascists!” while I sucked back my vodka. But it was pissing rain so the leaves were making the rain on leaves sound…Claire stuck here head out and told me to get my ass in the tent so I obeyed.
Fascisti who?
Wow. This could be a long post. I won’t bother. We got up on Saturday to still more rain so we packed up, turned around, and went back to Halifax. We hung with Morgan and Phil and celebrated Philip’s 37th birthday on Sunday, June 29th. His folk’s were in town so Clairey and I felt a little odd but it worked out fine. They thought we were fine people. Morgan told us they said so. I did ask Mr. Searles’ if he liked camping. I got ‘looks’ from Claire and Morgan. Phil just ignored it.
His parents are both 64 years old and really nice people. His mom, Melanie,(Phil’s mom) was very gracious or whatever…when she just mentioned she was sorry about my dad. Yeah…I know it was nice but I didn’t want to get into that again but I had to. They ( George & Melanie) asked all the questions people do you know? AHHHHHHHHHH! Phil tried to steer things sideways but it didn’t work. Anyway…
I had to do the whole thing again…” Yes..He was healthy..Yes…It was sudden…” Old people always want to know details.
What was really funny was how Mr. and Mrs Searles’ were so pushing marriage on us kids. Kids? Ha! They are perfectly normal people and don’t understand but it doesn’t matter. Of the four of us, Morgan is the youngest. She’s 30 now. George didn’t think I was about to be 42 on the 4th. I have shaved, so no beard with gray whiskers, so I showed him my birth certificate. This was after we all were a little wine buzzed.
They want Phil and Morgan to settle down. Scooping around is what Claire told me. Melanie was. I didn’t care really. The birthday party was a success. Turns out Morgan and Phil wanted to showcase us as total freaks but we didn’t bite! Ha! ( That’ll learn ‘em!) I know some things about messing with people. ( Don’t mess with me…I’ll mess right back) It was my job a few years earlier, and I was Gooooooooood.
July 1st? Almost yesterday? We were in Halifax with Morgan and Phil on the Water Front watching the Canada Day celebrations and then we buggered off. After the fireworks, we bid farewell to Morgan and Phil, and I gunned the old gal home. Took me three hours.
And so much gas money.
We decided to go camping in Nova Scotia and go Windsurfing.
My sister and all got back last night, so my rabbit job is complete. Claire has today and Monday off, and Tuesday is Canada day, so she has that off as well. Five days to bugger around at a beach or two. And no, we don’t own sailboards, we rent them.
Anyway, we’re just about to head out, so have a great Canada Day long weekend folks.
And playing “Spiderman 2″ on Julian’s Xbox all day. It has been a wonderful 33C day, but I’ve just sat on my ass and tried to master the controls. I did eventually.
Remember that? I loved that cartoon. I still watch it on YTV.
I have been so consumed with Thumper that I forgot to feed the fish. Jebus I know! But I did today. Claire reminded me. His name is Edward.
Yeah, Julian decided on that. Doodle is good at the British accent like his uncle so he decided Edward was quite proper. Edward the fish.
I’m under a great deal of pressure here folks…Don’t kill the fish, don’t kill the rabbit. Ha! I won’t kill them but if they off and pop it…I’ll run away!
Clairey is home if y’all be wondering. Everything is fine.I really missed her when in Quebec, but like the above vid…
My Dean Martin Melissa gave her some ideas…Jesus. Marriage.
I suppose coming close to 42 should mean something right?
I don’t feel 42 do you? I’ve been cracked and broken bone wise but I’m back to myself. My dad asked me last Christmas why Claire and I were not married. I had no answer. Well I did… “I don’t do that,” is what I said.
And you should have seen the puzzled look on his face. I guess he and my mom wanted to see the eldest shit boy get married. He’ll not see that now.
I’m thinking out loud so….
I am going to visit my dad tomorrow. It’s not him I know. I’m going to Tatamagouche, Nova Scotia to his grave just to say howdy and happy summer & give him an update on Julian. He liked George Carlin as well and I hope being one year apart…Me Da and George Carlin are larfin together. I know that’s crazy…I don’t know what happens when we die.
Both men were 71 years of age when the mortal coil up and expired.
You know… When I had C I never imagined death. My WILL got me thru. The people around me got all frucked out. What is death? I’m a product of Catholic shit. Is it just darkness? I don’t think so. Fuck all religions.
I’m not being mean. I actually believe in something else.
Do I believe in Jesus and God? I don’t know.
No I don’t actually. I believe in love and my family.
Day two with the wabbit. Kinda like a Mars mission. Thumper likes me ’cause I put his food in the middle of the living room. I watch him eat.
Kellie’s next door people like me as well. I was blasting Tom Waits and singing to myself (going nuts yes) and the really purty next door woman caught me out on the back deck and said she likes my choice of music.
I took that to mean that I was playing it too loud. I was standing out there after coming back from Church this morning, having a smoke, and singing “Eleanor Rigby” to meself. Yes, I do that. I was singing “Penny Lane” on my little walk back from church. It was a bright sunny Sunday so what the hell was I supposed to do?
” On the corner is a banker with a motorcar,
The little children laugh at him behind his back.
And the banker never wears a mack
In the pouring rain, very strange.” And as I kicked rocks…
“In Penny Lane the barber shaves another customer,
We see the banker sitting waiting for a trim.
And then the fireman rushes in
From the pouring rain, very strange.”
I probably should have been loaded up on LSD but alas, I wasn’t.
I think those days are gone man.
It was a really pleasant Sunday morning. Being nearly 42 and looking at the people on the street and thinking(yes) about me Da. Life is a fickle little bastard isn’t it? I am really alone for the first time in years so I just walked and hummed to myself & talked to my dad. Is that weird? I don’t think so.
I was talking to a friend earlier today and I omitted all that. My brain works in strange ways. I sometimes want to keep things “close” and then I spew it out here.
Yes, I started smoking again. I was having a smoke while coming home from the Anglican Church and I’m screwed. Little Miss will be back and kill me. You all don’t know but I’m not supposed to smoke. Fuck that.
C my ass. I watched a clean guy up and kick it, so fuck it all.
I know you don’t want more of this but…I miss my Dad. It’s summer and I miss him. We used to just yak about stuff. He loved Claire so much and she loved him. I talked with her earlier and I told her to stay.
My Mom is the same age as this guy was,,B.1944
He’s dead.
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